Saturday, July 23, 2011

A Whole Day

I woke up this morning to the sound of pouring rain. I love that sound, especially when I'm cozy and drowsy in bed. Until I remember that pouring rain could mean a flooded street and water in my car. I jumped out of bed and started looking around my room for shoes and a coat. My rain jacket is in my car and my "water-shoes" (Old Navy flip flops) are also in my car. I put on my nearest pair of shoes, grab my keys and go outside. The street wasn't flooding but that never means it won't be flooding shortly so I parked my car with my driver's side wheels on the curb, which gives you a few more inches before you have to worry.

I went back inside and decided to go back to sleep. I'm in bed and I start to hear a weird sound but try to ignore it because I want to sleep. It starts to sound like the cat might be chewing at something or ripping something so I sit up to check and then I realize the sound is coming from the corner of my room. And the ceiling is leaking! It may seem weird that a water droplet could be confused with a cat chewing on something, but we have something like 12 foot ceiling so the drops hit the wood floors in a very strange, noisy way. I get out of my bed, again pretty flustered, and try to find something to catch the water in. The leak is so close to the corner, though, that the baseboard molding is actually in the way. I used the box my Wal-Mart bookshelf came in to prop up a water jug that had the top cut off. I tried to sleep again but it didn't work and by this time it was too late to justify sleeping anymore.

I spent the next hour or so trying to menu plan for the week so I could go back to the grocery store and get food. Then I spent about an hour trying to decide whether or not I should go to the knitting store because I found a really cute pattern that I want to use as a gift for someone but yarn isn't what I need to spend money on right now. But I could probably make two or three things out of the yarn which would make it a really inexpensive gift. Then I thought I could go to Michael's because their yarn would be cheaper. But it's further away and there's a $1 toll to get there so would it really be cheaper? I was literally pacing in my room trying to make this decision, but the yarn store closes at 4 so by 3:30 it was really too late to go and the decision was made for me.

Then I went grocery shopping. I was going to go to Winn Dixie, because it was the next grocery store closest to me, but on the drive to Winn Dixie there is another grocery store! I got to Winn Dixie and decided the other store looked nicer so I turned around and went back to it. Does it ever surprise you to find out what your happy places are? I love grocery stores. I think because I'm surrounded by food and things I can make into things. They had a big case of dry-aged beef and I wish that I knew how to cook something that amazing and had the people to cook it for.

I liked my new grocery store but they didn't have the mayonnaise I wanted. This is really silly, but I'm going to admit it anyway. Every Southern cookbook says if you can't make homemade mayo for any recipe calling for it, then use Duke's. When I went to Florida over spring break I went to a Winn Dixie just to get a jar of Duke's to take home with me. Because you can only get it in the South. Wal-Mart didn't have it and Rouse's didn't have it. The little grocery I went to had it, but I didn't buy it then because I wasn't buying anything else and I figured the other groceries would have it, too.

The other thing the Southern cookbooks go on and on about is White Lily flour. Sometimes King Arthur, but really it's all about White Lily. I think it's higher protein? I'm not sure. Wal-Mart did have that so I got a bag. Rouse's didn't have it, so I'm glad I got it when I did. It's so strange because there are brands that are only available down here and people swear by them. I'm tempted to make cupcakes or something and compare White Lily to Pillsbury or Gold Medal, which is what I usually use because it's what's available.

It's also weird to have so many brands of something available. I think I've now seen 4 brands of flour, in addition to each store's generic brand. And Rouse's had so many brands of mayonnaise! Not flavors or types, like "with olive oil" or whatever, but actual brands. You can choose from Kraft, Hellmann's (Best Foods), Duke's, Bama, and Blue Plate. Plus the store brand and Miracle Whip (which doesn't count because it's NOT mayonnaise).  And brands of flour. Brands of all-purpose white flour. If I notice a difference I'll let you know. But I might go for a mayonnaise taste test because there seems to be a lot of heat about Blue Plate and Duke's.

My roommate invited me out with her and a friend today. There's a bar four blocks away and they went to get sandwiches in beer. I got there and wasn't really hungry and didn't feel like spending money on food after I'd just gone shopping and alcohol falls almost exactly last on the list of things I'm willing to spend money on, especially without an income, but I decided to hang out anyway because I'd like to get to know people and do something "fun." I talked to her friends a little bit and I'm glad I went. I talked to one of them specifically about looking for a job and he sort of confirmed for me that what I'm going to be able to find for the hours I need is waitressing or something, which I sort of dread. I would much rather work in retail. Gotta do what ya gotta do, though.

My internet is having a great time messing with me right now. Not appreciated.

I made cupcakes today! They were supposed to have a cookie crust and I completely forgot about it, but they still turned out. It was a new cupcake recipe and a new frosting recipe, and I can't decide how I feel about the cupcake. It's got a good texture but it's not my favorite flavor. The frosting was chocolate chip cookie dough buttercream. It's flavored like cookie dough and I put mini chocolate chips in. I even piped it on the cupcakes but my piping skills are sub-par. I want to practice.

Okay, so. There was one girl that was going to intern with me in the same area of the zoo. She friended me on Facebook before I even know about her. And she just got a job at the zoo in Denver so she won't be doing the internship. She also has an interview for the Birmingham Zoo. I know all of this via Facebook. She also interned at NW Trek, just like me, but the year after I did. This has me so discouraged it's unbelievable. I've applied for so many jobs. An enormous number. I haven't even gotten a call about one of them. Not one. And she has two. And we've had the same experience! I can't believe it. The only difference is she's an Animal Science major. She has a job and she's showing up for another interview, turning down the internship she accepted and probably preventing someone else from getting the opportunity. And not even a call back.

And you know what, I think I'm going to stop right now. Because I just made myself frustrated and upset and I don't want to think about it. There are a lot of reasons I think I deserve a real, paying job doing the thing I really, really want to be doing. But that's not what it's about. It doesn't matter what I think I deserve, what matters is what I can make happen. But, oh my, I'm wasting so much money to try to make this happen.

Yep. Sick and sad and scared.

No more right now.

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