The ATL

I left Knoxville late this morning and made the drive to Atlanta.

I think I like Atlanta more than Knoxville. First impression is better anyway. I got a little used to Knoxville by the time I left it, since I get oriented in new places pretty quickly, and getting that sense of where things are makes me feel settled a little, but I don't know. I like Knoxville, but I don't know if it's the place for me. When I went to New Orleans last year it took me 2 hours into the first day to fall in love with it and from there my love for the city just grew. That's what I want it to be like when I pick a place to live now. The cost of living in New Orleans is pretty high, but I think I'm going to look again and look for some jobs and see if I have any luck.

If I haven't figured out what to do or where to go by the end of my time in Tampa, I think I'm going to do a drive through the Deep South to get a look at some places there. And I'm going to look on my way down through Georgia because on the way through near the coast I liked it an awful lot. We'll see. I'm back to square one, I think.

I've been thinking, again, some more, like always. And I have myself more confused than ever before. I know what I would really like to do, but I don't know if I would really like to live on those wages, living month to month and not having room in my budget to make me feel safe and comfortable. I did that in college for 3 years and it's stressful and unpleasant. I think a job I really loved would make it worth it, but I don't know if a mediocre job would. If I'm working two jobs to make ends meet, I want one of those jobs to be the thing I really really want to do. Not cleaning kennels at a vet clinic. If I'm running my savings out, I want it to be for a really awesome internship. If I went to the Himalayas to save snow leopards all I'd want is shelter and food, I wouldn't care about anything else because I'd be doing the coolest thing in the world. But if I'm miserable at my job, I at least want to be able to go to the bookstore once a week without thinking about how it's going to mess up my finances for a whole month.

So I don't know where to go, what to do, what to settle on. I hate the idea of just barely coming out on top every month and I hate the idea of giving up the idea of what I want to do just to make a little more money. I don't know where the compromise is.

That's what I have to figure out. On top of the whole where-in-the-world-do-I-want-to-live thing.

So there's all of that. Tomorrow I think I might go to the aquarium. They have a whale shark!

At It Again

The job interview went well, but the job only pay $7.25 an hour, which isn't really enough to live off of once I start having to pay my loans back in 6 months. It's also likely to leave me in a pretty crappy apartment which isn't really my ideal situation since I've done the crappy apartment thing enough already. But I do need a job, so the woman said to give her a call back in a week and that if I find another job that pays better, to take it, and if I want to add on some part time hours at their clinic, I can. But if I decide to work there, she's very interested in having me.

There's a job at shelter, too, and I'm going to call them today. I doubt they'll pay more than this job but of the two, I'd rather work at a shelter than a clinic. So I could do full time at the shelter and part time at the clinic.

Thinking about working 60 hours a week is a little scary, but it would be enough to put me in a comfortable budget so I wouldn't have to be freaking out all the time. But if I'm going to making minimum wage and working 60 hours a week, I want it to be doing the thing I really want to do, not these kennel cleaning jobs that aren't really going to get me anywhere. And that's part of why this is so frustrating.

I also just applied for a dog trainer job in Florida. And there's a job at the Memphis Zoo I'm going to apply to and there are some internships, too. Internships are unpaid and that sucks, but I could get a part time job and sublet an apartment and probably not be in a terrible position. Well, maybe terrible, but not life-threatening.

I need to update my zoo resume with my AZA membership!

I passed some seedy little zoos on my way down and I wish they were easier to find. Good zoos are all united and post their jobs on the AZA website, but the seedy zoos don't have an organization. But I just found a website that has links to a lot of zoos in every state, so maybe I'll find someone.

Anyway, I'm stressed out and kind of discouraged, which happens. I need a place to stay that's cheaper than a motel but I don't know if I want to stay in Knoxville yet. There's no reason to stay and there's no reason to leave. I don't like this. I don't like not having a place to go or a place to stay. I'm kind of jealous of everyone who's at home relaxing and taking time to figure things out this summer.

But after a good talk with a good friend, I somehow feel better. Just knowing there are other people going through crazy things. I'm applying to more jobs and more jobs and more jobs. Trying to find small zoos that don't really want much. A job opening in Baton Rouge that has been open for awhile seems like a good one.

Important note: this blog post has occurred over the course of the entire day.

I ended up in the B&N for most of the day, then went to the library to print some stuff out.

My to-do for tonight is to figure out some things.

I think I'm going to go down to Tampa to say with my aunt for awhile. I thought I knew what I wanted to do but I've realized I have no idea so while I'm trying to figure it out I'm going to go somewhere where I don't have to pay rent. On the way down, I think I will stop in Chattanooga (maybe) and Atlanta (definitely). A little bit more of a road trip. I'm going to get my oil changed tomorrow, hopefully. And when I'm down in Tampa I'm going to get my car's cough checked out. Apply for more jobs and see what ends up working out. I just don't like figuring it out wasting money like this. And spending a good chunk of every day trying to figure out where to sleep that night.

Tomorrow I'm also going to look at downtown Knoxville because I haven't been yet. I've stayed around it but haven't gone in.

So that's the plan. Vague as it may be.