The Meaning of Life

Here it is (the long version, of course):

About a month ago I responded to two adds on craigslist for part-time jobs in Nashville, figuring if I got them both it would be a perfect harmony of work. One was at a dog bakery (bakery for dogs, not baking of dogs) and the other was an animal keeper position working with exotic felines at an undisclosed facility. I emailed both, heard back from neither. Both had been old postings so I figured they'd been filled.

Today, I hear back from the exotic feline keeper posting! It has been some time since I sent my email so they emailed me to ask if I was still interested in the position. It was very hard for me to not respond "YES ABSOLUTELY I'LL BE THERE TOMORROW!!!!!!!!!!!" and instead to respond in a semi-professional manner. It's part time and it pays minimum wage.

I would have to get a second job. It's in Nashville. A city I've never been to and don't know if I like. I would probably be living pretty close to the edge, as far as making ends meet every month.

But I don't care.


Because 20-30 hours a week I would be working with exotic felines. I'll come home sweaty and smelling like cat urine. I might come home just to change into another uniform and go back to work.

But I don't care.

This is the kind of job I'll make it work for. This is the kind of job that's worth being miserable for because everyday I was at work I would be so happy I could cry. That kind of happy makes it a lot easier to not cry when you're miserable.

I don't have this job yet. I don't have an interview yet. But I have contact. I have someone asking me if I'm interested. But this feeling right here, this lets me know that for the right thing, for the thing I want, it's worth it. That's a good feeling. Every other doubt and fear slips out of my mind because what I really want to do is, in fact, what I really want to do.

I'm trying not to get my hopes up about the job yet, but I'm glad that it gave me a sign that my heart is in this and it'll be worth it when it finally happens.

At It Again

The job interview went well, but the job only pay $7.25 an hour, which isn't really enough to live off of once I start having to pay my loans back in 6 months. It's also likely to leave me in a pretty crappy apartment which isn't really my ideal situation since I've done the crappy apartment thing enough already. But I do need a job, so the woman said to give her a call back in a week and that if I find another job that pays better, to take it, and if I want to add on some part time hours at their clinic, I can. But if I decide to work there, she's very interested in having me.

There's a job at shelter, too, and I'm going to call them today. I doubt they'll pay more than this job but of the two, I'd rather work at a shelter than a clinic. So I could do full time at the shelter and part time at the clinic.

Thinking about working 60 hours a week is a little scary, but it would be enough to put me in a comfortable budget so I wouldn't have to be freaking out all the time. But if I'm going to making minimum wage and working 60 hours a week, I want it to be doing the thing I really want to do, not these kennel cleaning jobs that aren't really going to get me anywhere. And that's part of why this is so frustrating.

I also just applied for a dog trainer job in Florida. And there's a job at the Memphis Zoo I'm going to apply to and there are some internships, too. Internships are unpaid and that sucks, but I could get a part time job and sublet an apartment and probably not be in a terrible position. Well, maybe terrible, but not life-threatening.

I need to update my zoo resume with my AZA membership!

I passed some seedy little zoos on my way down and I wish they were easier to find. Good zoos are all united and post their jobs on the AZA website, but the seedy zoos don't have an organization. But I just found a website that has links to a lot of zoos in every state, so maybe I'll find someone.

Anyway, I'm stressed out and kind of discouraged, which happens. I need a place to stay that's cheaper than a motel but I don't know if I want to stay in Knoxville yet. There's no reason to stay and there's no reason to leave. I don't like this. I don't like not having a place to go or a place to stay. I'm kind of jealous of everyone who's at home relaxing and taking time to figure things out this summer.

But after a good talk with a good friend, I somehow feel better. Just knowing there are other people going through crazy things. I'm applying to more jobs and more jobs and more jobs. Trying to find small zoos that don't really want much. A job opening in Baton Rouge that has been open for awhile seems like a good one.

Important note: this blog post has occurred over the course of the entire day.

I ended up in the B&N for most of the day, then went to the library to print some stuff out.

My to-do for tonight is to figure out some things.

I think I'm going to go down to Tampa to say with my aunt for awhile. I thought I knew what I wanted to do but I've realized I have no idea so while I'm trying to figure it out I'm going to go somewhere where I don't have to pay rent. On the way down, I think I will stop in Chattanooga (maybe) and Atlanta (definitely). A little bit more of a road trip. I'm going to get my oil changed tomorrow, hopefully. And when I'm down in Tampa I'm going to get my car's cough checked out. Apply for more jobs and see what ends up working out. I just don't like figuring it out wasting money like this. And spending a good chunk of every day trying to figure out where to sleep that night.

Tomorrow I'm also going to look at downtown Knoxville because I haven't been yet. I've stayed around it but haven't gone in.

So that's the plan. Vague as it may be.

Falsities

I posted a resume online a few days ago and got a phone call this morning! I did reverse look-up (because I never answer unknown phone numbers) and turns out it's a very scammy phone call. How unfortunate. But the area code was in upstate New York and I don't really want to stay here, so a real job would've been difficult to deal with.

The problem with this scam call, is some people might be desperate enough for employment to agree to sell life insurance, but I'm just not that desperate. I won't get that desperate until November, when my student loan payments are about to start. And even then, I'll probably only be desperate enough to get a job in retail. As non-perfect as those jobs are relative to my dreams, I kind of enjoy helping people find things and leave happy.

The job search is frustrating, long, and I have no idea what to do. But I think what worries me is that I'm not all that worried about it. I'm supposed to be, but I know I'll figure something out. I know I need some time to figure out where I want to settle next, and I know I can afford to be jobless for a little while. Not long, but a little awhile. I think I might do a camping road trip.

Unrelated, I made an Easter dinner yesterday and it turned out quite well. I made a ham, mashed potatoes, rolls, broccoli, deviled eggs, and almond cupcakes for dessert. I'm really proud of how well everything looked. I still can't taste, but my roommate said it tasted good, and she went back for seconds so I believe it. Pictures later, but right now I need to get breakfast together and get dressed.